I was introduced to rejection at a very young age. I was rejected and discriminated against because of the complexion of my skin, the kinky texture of my hair, the gap in my teeth and the birth mark on my face. I was considered the outcast, the black sheep of the family. I wasn't considered beautiful in the eyes of society nor my "LOVE" ones, yes my own flesh and blood, Actually, they treated me the worst. Can you say favoritism between the skin tones!!! Well, it existed in my family. Unfortunately, my dark complexion didn't make the "FAVORED" list. It's funny, I always thought if no one else loved and accepted you for you, at least your family would, well not in my case, I wasn't so fortunate.
I hated me and the world I lived in. Why Lord did you have to make me this way, the dark skin with all of these flaws, I think you made a huge mistake with creating me. You made my light skinned, straight haired friends perfectly. Did you not love me the way you loved them? Why must my teeth have a space in the front and everyone else doesn't. What's up with the birth mark on the side of my face and let's not talk about the kinky stuff growing from of my head... I don't understand. What did I ever do to deserve this...this is why people are rejecting me and treating me like I don't belong. "I gets no love whatsoever!!!" This is not fair, I didn't ask for this. Matter of fact I didn't even ask to be here. I was fine where I was. (Thoughts that would cross my mind as a child).
I remember going out with my light skinned friend and of course she got all the attention. The guys would only approach me AFTER she turned them down. So, I was stuck with her rejects, the leftovers, Go figure. One night after hanging out, I went into the bathroom with tears running down my face, and began scratching profusely hoping that I would scratch all the "tar" from my face. No one really knew what I was going through. I felt I was in complete torment living in a world with constant rejection on every corner. I hated my mom because she had me from a dark skinned man. Out of all the men in the world she hooked up with a guy with all the flaws that were transferred to me. Really!!! Seriously!!! I know you may think this sounds crazy and immature, and you would be right, it was. But, my truth was my reality and that's that's how I lived my life. So, can you imagine how messed up I had become? Although I experienced neglect and rejection from family and so-called friends, I too contributed to the madness. I even rejected myself because I wasn't what I felt I should have been. Joyce Meyers said it best, "You can't give something you don't have." I didn't love, respect or value myself, so why should others for that matter...I was sexually abused by a close friend of the family, sexually fondled by a family member and my friend's step dad, So, I was introduced to perversion at a very young age. I was searching for love, affection and acceptance in all the wrong places and faces, I know that sounds cliche,, but it was the truth. SEX was my cure all... Well, I thought.
I was engaged twice, and not to mention I caught my finance in bed with another woman, but that's not the worst part, the worst part was that, the woman was his,,,wait for it, wait for it... HIS WIFE!!!
I had been dating this man for about a year or two and didn't know he was married. They were separated and living in separate homes. Wow!!! How in the H-E- double hockey sticks, did I get caught up with a married man,,, Really God,, why are you punishing me!!! Again, I asked, did God make a mistake... Why am I here!! What's the purpose!!! I had fell in such a deep state of depression that I wanted to commit suicide but fear wouldn't let me. So, I prayed long and hard for God to take my life. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I told God if he really loves me He would grant me this one prayer. So, I cried myself to sleep hoping He grant me my desire. At least I would know He loves me, right. Well, as you can see, He didn't grant me what I wanted, or I wouldn't be here telling you about it. So, again... I am angry because God don't even love me..Whats a girl to do!!!
Well, in 1999, I asked God to come into my heart and save me, and guess what, He did. He did love me. He loved me so much that He sent His son, so I can be saved. God answered my prayer. God delivered me from my past, my past hurts, my past rejections, my past failures, my past unfortunate events and best of all, He delivered me from people. He taught me it's not about what people say about me, it is all about what He says about me and every word He speaks is TRUE!!! His beauty isn't the world's beauty.God accepts what the world rejects.
I had to learn for myself that I had to find the beauty within and the outward will follow. God created beauty in all of us and it's up to us to recognize it. Don't let society define for you what beauty is and what it is not. You are your own unique beauty, You are the original not the counterfeit. Don't let the world tell you what you can or can not accomplished, We were all created for purpose. Seek out your individual purpose, but make sure the ultimate purpose in everything you do, is to GLORIFY GOD. So, Did God make a mistake? Absolutely Not!!! So, now act like it. Choose YOU, love YOU!!!
Put on your God given confidence today, go out and shock the world with what God has given you. We are world changers, but first we need to be changed into the newness of Christ. Let God change you from the inside out.
If you haven't already, invite Him into your heart and ask Him to save you. He will. He loves you just that much. Just surrender it all to Him and let it go. I am not saying it was easy, but it is easier with Christ. Walk in the true you and fulfill your purpose in the Lord.
If you are a believer of Christ but just need deliverance from people and their approval/acceptance, ask God for it. He will answer. It might be a process, like mine was, but it happened. Trust God at His Word.
Ignore the ignorance of the world.
Who are you?
Fearfully and wonderfully made. You are more than a conqueror, You are victorious. You are royalty. You are a KING'S KID...
Yours truly,
TPL😘😘😘
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