I have attached a video of my husband and I speaking to singles and newlyweds on this very subject. This video is going to mainly discuss one of the key factors, which we believe will provide wisdom and tips for newlywed couples and those aspiring to be married.
I believe it is safe to say, the most important factor to a successful relationship/marriage is none other than COMMUNICATION. Yep, we have heard it time and time again, without trust and communication, and unless the two people really work hard at restoration through prayer and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we might as well pack up right now and leave, because without those key components, the relationship is already dead. However, this post is only going to discuss one of the key factors, which is my favorite, Communication!
(Yea, right, don't believe the hype...:)
First, let me introduce you to the "Courtship" stage of communication. When my husband and I started courting we had no problem with communication. We would talk on the phone for hours on, all night long. Neither one of us wanted to hang up when it was obvious that both of us were fighting the Sand Man(Sleepiness). You know the favorite sayings, "You hang up, no You hang up, no boo, You hang up,,,and this may go on and on until the break of dawn. I'm sure if you have ever been in an amazing relationship, you can definitely relate.
Fast forward to the "Newlywed" stage. Communication at this stage is easy and seamless. I can't lie. We could talk for hours on without any issues. We are getting to know each other on a different level then the first stage. It's the most exciting and invigorating time during this newlywed stage, especially now that we get to rise and shine together. We can talk all night long without a curfew. I also noticed during this stage, we had very little misunderstandings, which I believe is phenomenal. The courtship and the newlywed stage, to me, was quite similar. They're both still in the "giddy giddy, lovey dovey|" stages because the relationship is still fresh and new.
Now, Life begins, I call it the "Reality LIFE" stage aka, "Reality Check" stage.
Now, Life begins, I call it the "Reality LIFE" stage aka, "Reality Check" stage.
The "Reality Life" stage consist of entering the real world, growing together and learning each other on a much higher and deeper level. It's now time to make real important decisions together as a couple. Remind you, these decisions were independently made before marriage and now you have to include a plus one. That in and of itself could make individuals feel a little uncomfortable and quite uneasy. I know I felt very uncomfortable and even frustrated at times, especially when I've been used to making decisions on my own for many years and now you are telling me I have to consult with someone else outside of God and myself...LAWD how mercy. Not easy at all, I must admit. This gives "Dying to Self" a whole "nother" meaning. Trust me in this stage we are learning the things that really irritates each other. Things that were probably there from the beginning but it wasn't yet revealed or it just didn't bother you at all because the relationship was in that giddy, giddy stage. Don't lie, You know how that fresh love can blind you from the realness:)
However, in marriage, communication is one of the main keys to an effective marriage, but it's easier said then done. During this stage, we are learning each others unseen personality or should I say personalities, that wasn't revealed during the first two stages. This stage is the most challenging stage of all. During this stage we experience many misunderstandings. I could say something as simple as I possibly can and yet he would still misinterpret and misunderstand every word I said, and even taking what I said out of context.
Another challenge we faced was trying to adjust and learn the other person's thinking process, which isn't easy by a long shot. My husband's thinking process is extremely different from mind, but yet we still have to work around and with it, which is a part of the learning process. It won't happen over night, it takes time, patience and the help of the Holy Spirit. Only God knows us like no other, so it just makes sense to go to the one who knows all things about everybody. If anybody knows your spouse better anyone else, it's their creator. God has created us all differently including our brain and how we comprehend, so instead of us getting frustrated with our spouse, we have to make it a habit of going to God to help us communicate with the one we love. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen in many marriages, and as a result they end in divorce, because of misunderstandings that were never resolved or worked through. The bad part is, most of the time both couples, at the end of the day are actually saying the exact same thing, but in a different way, go figure. Can you imagine separating and/or divorcing over something that could have been resolve, as simple as going to our heavenly Father for wisdom on how to effectively communicate with our spouse.
Don't get me wrong, it's been 9 years in counting and we are still learning how to communicate effectively with each other. We are still working hard on it. No, we are not perfect, far from it, however, we are getting much better. We are finally allowing the Holy Spirit to help us consistently when it comes to communicating and understanding each other clearly. Do we miss the mark at times, of course, but at the same time we have matured in some areas where we are able to hear God for ourselves pertaining to a disagreement. God may tell us not to say anything, because God wants to take care of it personally, or God would tell one of us how to say what we need to say and the right way to address the issue. We must trust that God has already dealt with the other person's heart to receive what is being brought to their attention. With that being said, I have personally learned not to address a situation or concern when I'm mad or frustrated...It is NOT, I repeat it is NOT easy, but God. We all know how hard it really is when this flesh gets upset and wants to lash out but yet your Father God is telling you not to say anything, WOW! that's a hard saying who can hear it.
Therefore, the true take away is to remember, no matter what, without the leading and guidance of the Holy Spirit, your relationship will not last. It will struggle, suffer, go through hardships and eventually it will die. The only way your marriage will survive and thrive is by keeping God first and depending on the Holy Spirit whole heartily.
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P.S. Your Life is a Process; Embrace it, Love it, Trust it...Now Be You and Keep it "Movin"
Yours Truly,
TPL
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