At
age 24, When God delivered and saved me, I made it up in my mind that I was not going
back and I meant it. I realized that I wanted better out of life and I wasn’t
going to let a man or anything else for that matter deprive me of what’s
rightfully mine. I wanted peace, joy, and a sound mind. I wanted someone who was going to love me for me, unconditionally, with all my imperfections and flaws. I was getting too old and mature for the same ole, same ole, immature games. It was time to grow up, "Let Go and Let God" and that's exactly what I did.
I was abstinent for 10
years before God sent my husband. Yes, close your mouth, you heard right, 10 whole, long years. I can’t believe it myself some times. Was it easy?
Heck nah, Absolutely not, whoever said it was easy LIED and the truth ain't in them, yes I said AIN"T, because that's how I feel it, but I can admit one thing, it was easier with God. Of course, I went through
withdrawals. Who doesn't? There were times I wanted a man’s affection, and times I didn’t.
Times when I got discouraged and weak and times when I was strong. Times when I
wanted to give up and throw in the towel and times when I pressed my way. Times
when I felt all alone and no one understood my pain and times when I knew God will
never leave me nor forsake me. I played the victim role, woe is me and wanted a
pity party and there were times when I got up and brushed myself off. You can call it bipolar, or whatever, this thing was real.
I’m
telling you it was not easy and it’s even harder
when you have already had a taste. If you know what I mean. See, that’s why sex was made for marriage,
because you can’t miss something you never had, therefore, a sista was missing it big time, don't get it twisted. But, Joshua Harris, the author of "I kissed dating goodbye" said it best,
"A good thing at the wrong time is wrong thing"
And I was determined not to
sell myself short and settle for less than God’s best for me anymore.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
This wasn't just a cliché' or just another memory verse anymore, because there were times when this flesh got weak but I thank God my spirit was willing not to give into the temptations. You notice I said temptations? Yes, temptations will come, I'm sure you already know... In my case, they were fine, built just like I like'em, smelled good and said all the right words, a sista was like please Lord give me strength...and I went running.
I was like RUN FOREST RUN!!! I wasn't even trying to entertain the devil, despite how tempting it was. But, honestly, no lie, there were times I really did wish that some of them were the one... knowing good and well that was nothing but flesh all the way. But, you can't punish a girl for wishing. Don't judge me. I'm just saying, the brother was fine, that's all...Anyway, moving on...
Beautiful, listen to me and listen closely. It is ok, to feel the way you feel. It's not a sin. It's not crime. It's normal. We all get lonely, impatient, frustrated, irritated, and aggravated at times. We all want that affection and to feel special. We all have even asked that proverbial question: WHEN LORD, WHEN!!! Always a bridesmaid, but never a bride. Well, in my case, always a hostess or dancer and never a bride.
God knows how you feel, just be open and honest with him. Tell God the butt naked truth(literally if you have too). He understands. He will not judge or condemn you. He wants to help you through this waiting process. LET HIM. He knows how much you can handle and how long you can wait. Remember the post about GOOD, Better, BEST? The BEST takes time. It requires more...If you didn't read it yet, please click below and you will see what's required to wait on the BEST and why..
True Story: I remember, and this is no lie, I remember one day feeling really, really, hot and bothered and I thought I was going to go crazy. I thought my precious jewels were going to jump out of my pants. You might be laughing, but I am so serious. I started screaming at the top of my lungs with my arms raised and this is what I said, ready for this? I shouted, LORD, PLEASE, I AM SO HORNY, PLEASE HELP A SISTA OUT. I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!!! and in seconds, the heat was gone. I promise, I am not lying. It was literally seconds... So, I said that to say, sometimes desperate times, calls for desperate measures when you want nothing but the Best. Yes, people may call you crazy, or discredit your feelings but don't listen to the naysayers. Be true to yourself and God.
So, what steps did I take to stay sane during this time of waiting?
Well, First, I upped my prayer life, connected and surrounded myself with people who was strong in the faith to keep me accountable, I went out with friends and enjoyed myself. I avoided certain music, movies and TV shows, that only fed the flesh. I served faithfully in ministry, fellowshipped with the saints, praised and worshipped God like crazy and to top it off, I was eating and drinking the Word.
I studied scriptures that targeted self worth and values. I read that I am a child of THE King, therefore, I am chosen, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a woman belonging to God.., and I was urged to abstain from sinful desires. (1 Peter 2:9,11). I also read that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, (Psalm 139:14). I had to take my medicine daily. I even had to up the dosage during those hard withdrawal times, especially the times when I thought about how good "IT" felt, but it was just that, A THOUGHT! I had to constantly remind myself, with every fleshly act comes severe consequences and it wasn't worth it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, shoes, jeans, earrings and necklace...Nope, that life for me was finally over.
These steps were critical for me throughout this process of waiting. I stayed busy. No idleness for me. This kept me from going back, kept me focused and strong.
I don't want to sound preachy, but it's the truth and it worked. Like I said, it kept me for 10 years and I know if you are serious about waiting for your BOAZ, and not settling and wasting you time, energy and emotions, it will work for you too. Desperate times, calls for desperate measures. I'm not telling you what I heard, I'm telling you what I know through my own personal experiences.
Hang in there beautiful. He is closer than you think. Stay encouraged. He is on the way...You are both being prepared for each other. Stay Faithful, committed and remember, No cheating on your husband, please;)
Who Are You?
A beautiful lady in waiting. A royal priesthood. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and a honest woman.
P.S.
Want to know If he is the one?
How to know if the relationship you are in is God or not? Stay tune for the next post...
Blessed, encouraged and enjoyed the transparency of the author? Tell the world by sharing this post on Facebook, Google+, via email etc... I made it easy for you. Just click below where you see the appropriate links,,, Rise to the challenge and let your friends and family in on it.
Oh, and don't forget to comment below. I want to hear your thoughts.
Have a Blessed and Purposeful Day,
TPL 😘😘 😘
No comments:
Post a Comment